Depression...

Well, the best thing about depression is how grateful one feels when it has passed and one can begin to feel again.  And, yes, I'm speaking out of experience.  I don't like it when I'm depressed, but it is a part of my life due to celiac disease and Epstein Barr. 

So, what does God want me to learn from depression?  He wants me to know that He is always there and will help me remember truth so I can live in grace whether I'm depressed or not...so I can be grateful whether I'm blue or not...so I can extend grace to others who are experiencing depression. 

So when I'm singing the blues, I let my honey know that I'm depressed and it will go away eventually so he doesn't have to worry.  I spend extra time with my Abba.  I eat to feed the nutrient needs of my body and get healthful sleep and sunshine.  And I give myself grace...

Book signing...

Well, my book launch party is coming up in a few days.  Normally, I would be anxious about the details:  What should I wear?  What will I say to people?  How will I sign the books?  Will people like me? 

Wow!  I'm so glad those days are over!  My Abba Father has freed me of so many things I used to worry about.  The truth does set you free!  (John 8:32 - the reference I will put under my name when I sign books)

All three of my daughters were able to go shopping with me for my outfit for the signing, which is a very unusual thing that we are all together to go shopping for clothes.  I've learned a lot about buying clothes, but it was great getting their input.  They even talked me into buying wedges, which are surprisingly comfortable.  More on that...

This last week, God has really impressed on my heart and mind that the book signing is not about me or the fact that I wrote a book.  It is about the message He gave me that is in the book.  The book signing will be an opportunity for me to let women know that He loves them and wants them to live in His freedom. I can't wait to see what He does!!

I lived most of my life under the lie of perfection.  So, naturally, I was relieved when I had a nice outfit for the occasion.  And I felt like I would have enough time to get all the projects done around the house before the event.  Here's how God reminded me that it's not about me.  Last Saturday, I was getting into the shower and noticed a big spider just inside the shower door.  I didn't want to share my shower with it, so I stepped back out to get something with which to kill it.  Somehow, I missed the bath rug and stepped onto the smooth tile...with wet feet. There is a streak of toenail polish on the tile where my foot bent under as I slipped.

I was very grateful that my honey came home from a business trip an hour later.  He took me to the doctor where the x-rays showed torn ligaments and pulled muscles, but no broken bones.  I came home with a lovely boot and orders to stay off my feet.  So much for wearing my new shoes to the book signing...

Really?!  I have people coming from out of town for the event. I've been gone for five weeks helping my oldest daughter with her new baby boy and have weeds to pull, flowers to plant, there are cobwebs in every corner of the house and it is not "company ready"! 

I had an immediate peace that God would make sure everything that needed to get done would be done.  My two youngest daughters are here and they have stepped in and are taking care of the "company ready" details.  I've had time to address postcards for a mailout, reconnect with people and think and pray about the women that will be at the book signing. 

And He knew that I would have an injured foot and would have to wear a big bulky black boot...

So, I will trust Him and wait and see what He does.

Coffee in the rain...

I am sitting in the coolest coffee house with my youngest daughter.  And it's raining - God loves me.  God sees me.  God cares about me.  God uses rain to remind me of these truths. 

And we are enjoying a cup of coffee in this old house, with a beautiful garden, turned into a coffee shop.  What a great way to relish a rainy morning! 

I have been blessed to spend time this past month with all three daughters, my sons-in-law and our grandchildren - three, now, with the new baby grandson.  He is precious, by the way, and already knows his Nanna's voice.  And my honey got to fly in for Father's Day weekend, too.  I love these people, big and small!  It's so easy to tell them I love them and to show them with encouraging conversation, by changing poopy diapers, fixing meals, doing laundry, bathing preschoolers, cleaning my oldest daughter's house while she is recovering from a C-section, playing with blocks on the floor, drawing with chalk in the carport, kissing bo bos and precious faces, lots of hugs and going to bed exhausted and very content. 

As easy as it is to express love to my family, I am becoming aware that I need to do a better job of letting my friends know why I love them.  In the book, Bread and Wine, Shauna Niequist writes about the importance of telling our friends what we love about them.

The heart of hospitality is creating space for these moments, protecting that fragile bubble of vulnerability and truth and love.  It's all too rare that we tell the people we love exactly why we love them- what they bring to our lives, why our lives are richer because they're in it.  

She and her husband have a tradition of toasting their friends on their birthdays over a meal.

Each person comes ready to say something about what that person has brought to their life in the last year or a prayer for the year to come, and after dinner, we toast with those thoughts.

What a great idea!  I think my honey and I may have to start this tradition.  Shauna writes about an evening where they and a group of friends toasted another friend who is a great encourager to all of them.  She had asked his wife about foods that he liked or had special meaning to him to determine the menu for dinner.

The food was good that night.  I loved being able to serve foods that were meaningful to Nathan, that represented his story and history, and we had a great meal together.  But that night wasn't about the food.  The food and the table and laughter helped to create sacred space, a place to give someone the gift of words.  That's what the night was about - sacred space and words of love.

Before I went to Louisiana to help my daughter, my honey and I taught a 5 Days to a New Marriage class for our spiritual children.  The night before we left, we had the last class which began with a meal. Then we all enjoyed a time of telling each person in these three couples what it is we love about them - what each of their personal strengths are.   It was uncomfortable for each person as we all took turns expressing these sacred words.  But, each one left feeling loved and appreciated for who they are, with an understanding of the strengths in who God created them to be.

There is something about loving people over a table of delicious food in someone's home.  There is a connection made that can't be reproduced in a Sunday school room or a room at the church used by a life group, even if food is involved. We've tried, but it's not the same. It is a privilege to be hospitable in our home to express God's love to people.  The food doesn't need to be fancy or expensive.  It just needs to be tasty and nurturing, with the guests' tastes in mind. 

God reminds me all the time how much He loves me.  Now, I get to let my friends know how much and why I love them.  I've got some plans to make...

Hospitality...

My new grandson is just so precious!  And every time I've sat down to write a post in the last two weeks, I've had an opportunity to hold him, instead, so my daughter and son-in-law can get some sleep.  The sacrifices a nanna will make...  I woke up at 4:00 this morning, so I thought I would take advantage of the quiet to write about hospitality. 

My husband and I talked, before we got married, about how hospitality was going to be an important part of our life.  Both of us grew up in hospitable homes so it seemed like the normal thing to do and it has been an important aspect of our lives and ministry in our home; so much so that our daughters all practice hospitality in their homes, as well.

When our youngest daughter came to see her newest nephew, she handed me a book that a friend had given her and said that I would probably enjoy reading it.  She was right!  I am planning on purchasing my own copy of this delightful book - Bread and Wine by Shauna Niequist.  It is full of honest stories of life and the importance of hospitality in ministering to herself, her family and other people along with recipes.  Here is a sample of her philosophy of hospitality:

I believe every person should be able to make the simple foods that nourish them, that feel familiar and comforting, that tell the story of who they are.  Each one of us should be able to nourish ourselves in the most basic way and to create meals and traditions around the table that tell the story of who we are to the people we care about.  And the only way to get there is to start where you are.

She goes on to encourage people who don't know how to cook to invite people over and order pizza.  Serve the pizza with bagged salad and bottled dressing. 

Focus on making people comfortable, on creating a space protected from the rush and chaos of daily life, a space full of laughter and safety and soul.

The next time or the time after that, try grilled flatbread pizzas, and make your own vinaigrette for the salad.  The next time, try a dessert and an appetizer, and little by little, build a sense of muscle memory, a body of knowledge, a set of patterns for how your home and your heart open and expand when the people you love are gathered around your table.

It takes some time to learn, to try and fail and make a mess and try again.  It takes even longer to get truly comfortable, to feel at home with a knife in your hand, to read through recipes as a guideline or set of ideas, to read through and add your preferences and tastes, your history and perspective.  But it's a lovely process, with not a minute wasted.  If you put in the time, the learning, the trying, the mess, and the failure, at the end you will have learned to feed yourself and the people you love, and that's a skill for life -  like tennis or piano but yummier and far less expensive.

I'm not talking about cooking as performance, or entertaining as a complicated choreography of competition and showing off.  I'm talking about feeding someone with honesty and intimacy and love, about making your home a place where people are fiercely protected, even if just for a few hours, from the crush and cruelty of the day.

 It's a perspective on hospitality that my honey and I practice - making people feel nourished in our home with food and love, providing a place where they can kick off their shoes and relax and talk about their struggles without judgment. You can provide that for the people you love, too.  Just simply start where you are. 

More to come:  hospitality and special dietary restrictions 

Grown-up Girls is here...

Wow, it's been almost a year since this project began and now it's a real live book!  I've told many people that I didn't write and publish this Bible study because I have a desire to be famous.  Yikes!! I am much more comfortable in my little private world at home. I have told God more than once, "Ok.  I'm done. I can't do this!"  But, when God puts a message on one's heart, one must obey!

He has been reaffirming to me that the message in Grown-up Girls is not about me.  It's about Jesus and what He has done and is doing in my life and other women through this message.  And God wants women to know that He loves them dearly and desires that they walk in the amazing freedom of His truth.

"And we proclaim Him, admonishing every man (woman) and teaching every man (woman), that we may present every man (woman) complete (grown-up) in Christ."  Colossians 1:18

What an adventure!  I can't wait to hear the stories...

Grown-up Girls is available at CrossBooks, Barnes & Noble and Amazon in a soft cover workbook.  It is also available in an ebook.

Bermuda grass...

I do NOT like Bermuda grass!  It sends out runners, is invasive and is not easy to pull out of the vegetable garden.  Now, the other weeds that have shallow roots or a single root are easy to pull and I don't mind them as much.  Of course, if I just stayed on top of the weeds in the garden, it would not be difficult to control them.  And the vegetables, strawberries and blueberry bushes would be beautiful things to behold!

Maybe because of the HOURS (well, it seemed like hours) spent hoeing the garden growing up, I have an aversion to weeding.  We planted a huge garden every year and enjoyed the fresh food.  Mom would can and freeze so we would have vegetables and pickles during the winter.  Planting the garden was a family affair.  Then my brothers and I would have the responsibility of controlling the weeds.  There was no such thing as sleeping in and if I drug my heels getting out to the garden, I would get too hot while hoeing and would begin to see stars. 

I'm sure all that fresh air and sunshine, along with all the fresh food, kept us healthy while we were growing up.  Plus, it was very tasty!  So, when I had my own family, we planted a garden of some kind every year.  And, yes, I made my kids weed!  The girls still joke about pulling bind weed in El Paso. 

I still have to be careful about staying out in the sun too long when I'm gardening.  If I get overheated, I'm done for the day and end up sitting like a lump on the couch.  My honey knows this about me and reminds me to drink water and take plenty of breaks. 

So this morning, as I was weeding, I thanked God for the overcast morning and was able to get the whole garden weeded so we can plant this weekend -except for a few patches of Bermuda grass.  Yay! 

As I was grunting and groaning trying to pull one of those patches of Bermuda grass, I thought about the curse that God spoke over Adam (and all men to follow) after he and Eve had eaten the forbidden fruit. 

Cursed is the ground because of you; in toil you shall eat of it all the days of your life.  Both thorns and thistles it shall grow for you; and you shall eat the plants of the field..."  Genesis 3:17-18

Then it hit me, wait a minute!  These weeds are man's curse!  I will have to tell my honey that it is biblical that he be the one to do the weeding!  I wonder how he will feel about that...

Hahahaha!

Almost finished...

I thought I was going to be able to sign off  on the proofs for my Bible study today.  The cover looked great and the two items that needed fixed were corrected.  Alas, three interior items missed the correction train.  So close...

Even so, it should be going to print next week!  By the time Grown-up Girls comes out, the project will have taken a year.  I had no clue it would be this much work, but I have learned so much.  I will enjoy the finished product for a little while, then get started on the next Bible study.  Hmm...will I rewrite Living Well With Illness or start on another project I've been thinking about?  Time will tell!

My honey and I have been teaching a new marriage class using the fabulous 5 Days to a New Marriage material by Terry Hargrave and Shawn Stoever .  We've read and taught a lot of marriage materials but this is by far the best.  It is built around a simple idea that pain we've experienced has caused us to believe lies about ourselves and we develop coping skills that cause our spouse pain.  That in turn causes our spouse to have negative emotions which they handle with coping skills that cause us pain.  It's called the Pain Cycle.  Understanding this cycle is life-changing in itself, but the material goes on to teach the Peace Cycle where we learn the truth about ourselves and then can respond to one another in a positive and loving manner.  The results are amazing!  And the really cool thing about it is that so much of what is taught in Grown-up Girls is reinforced in 5 Days to a New Marriage.

Hop on over to their website and check it out.