I was embarrassed by the anger that rose up in me when I was struggling with depression and painful illness. I was embarrassed and shocked by the intensity of the anger I felt after my dad unexpectedly died. I mean, really - as a Christian, shouldn't I have a peace and calmness no matter what life brings? Did the anger mean that I am immature and shallow as a person?
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are you so far from saving me, so far from the words of my groaning? Psalm 22:1
This verse is in the Bible for a reason! David wrote it. Jesus asked the first question on the cross. And we need to wrap our brains and hearts around the fact that anger is a part of grief. The problem is if you stay there. So, what do you do when you acknowledge that you are grieving and the anger comes?
Again, I am not a professional counselor. I am just writing from experience and what I find in God's Word. The Psalms and Job are two books that are especially comforting for those going through the stages of grief. David and Job were honest about their grief, but they always took those thoughts and feelings to God. And God helped them reason through their feelings and brought them comfort. Both men eventually stated that they would choose to trust God no matter what came their way.
God has done the same for me. He was not surprised by my response to grief, even though I was. He knew exactly what I needed to work through and how long it was going to take. The anger and sense of unfairness did not start to fade until I turned to my Counselor, Jesus, who has felt the same emotions and understands. He has taken me again and again to Romans 8:28 and Philippians 4:6-7 -
And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace that surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
If you feel you are stuck in this stage and nothing is helping, please seek professional Christian counseling. A trained counselor can see things that we don't want to acknowledge and help us work through issues that keep us stuck in any of the stages of grief. There is also a ministry called Grief Share that is so helpful. You can look it up on the internet and find where a group is meeting near you.
The next stage is bargaining. I wasn't in this stage much after Dad died, but was there a long time when dealing with depression and illness. Tomorrow...
Craft
I had read about making art journals from artist notebooks to use as a place to note and draw or paint ideas for crafts. Some of them are also used as an outlet for daily emotions. The artists used a variety of materials to make their pages, almost like mini scrapbooks. What a great idea! I wish I had more time...maybe after I get all those closets cleaned out. Hmm... maybe I just need to do it!
Reading about these art journals gave me an idea. What if someone who is grieving the death of a loved one or the loss of their health had a journal that was started for them that they could use to write down their thoughts and emotions? Hmm... So, I made one for my mom and it actually helped me as I worked on each of the pages. The cover was inspired by the artwork of Kelly Rae Roberts.
Not sure why the picture is on its side... Tomorrow, I will show you some of the pages.
Today's Recipe - Roasted Tomato and Black Bean Soup
Reader's Digest
7 medium tomatoes, quartered
1 large onion, cut into large pieces (about 1 1/2 in.)
3 garlic cloves, peeled
2 Tbsp olive oil
1 tsp salt
1/2 tsp black pepper
5 cups low-sodium chicken or vegetable broth
2 (15.5.oz) cans clack beans, drained and rinsed
1 1/2 tsp ground cumin
1 tsp chili powder
1/4 tsp Tabasco
1/4 cup sour cream or plain Greek yogurt
1/4 cup chopped cilantro
Preheat oven to 375 F. Toss tomatoes, onion, and garlic with oil, 1/2 tsp salt, and 1/4 tsp pepper in large bowl, then transfer to baking sheet. Roast until garlic cloves have softened, edges of onions are browned, and tomatoes have collapsed, 35-40 minutes, stirring once after first 20 minutes.
Transfer roasted vegetable mixture to 4-qt saucepan. Add broth, beans, cumin, chili powder, and remaining 1/2 tsp salt and 1/4 tsp pepper. Bring to boil, reduce heat, and simmer 10 minutes.
Remove from heat and blend until smooth with immersion blender or in batches in regular blender. Stir in hot sauce. Divide among 4 bowls and garnish with dollop of sour cream and sprinkle of cilantro.
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