Depression, illness and your relationships...

I had no clue how my years of illness had affected my family until a recent conversation revealed the impact on them.  My oldest daughter shared that she had felt that she couldn't be a child, but had to take care of her little sisters.  Her sisters also shared how they missed out on things because I didn't feel well enough to take them. It was hard to hear, but it was important for them to be able to voice their feelings and for us to talk about them.  They needed to hear an apology from me and an acknowledgment that I understood their feelings and wished it could have been different.  They also needed to know that I was doing the best I could at the time, that I wasn't just choosing to ignore their desires.  The conversations were very healing.

My husband did the best he could and tried to understand what was going on with me.  Once, when he had the flu and was aching all over, I explained to him that that was how I felt most of the time.  All of a sudden, he understood because he was literally feeling my pain.  Since then he has been very supportive and encouraging when I don't feel well, asks questions until he understands and goes out of his way to do things to make those days easier.  He is a blessing!  I am learning to be honest with him about how I feel and what I am able to do without acting like Eyore.  Since I have been on a gluten-free diet for almost five years, I am feeling better all the time and my episodes with Epstein-Barr  and depression are milder and shorter.  My honey was going over our bills from last year on the computer and called me in to the den so I could see that I had not needed to go to the doctor all year other than the normal yearly visits.  WooHoo!  He has never said it, but I know the medical bills have been a burden to him.

There are some things I would suggest for families who are living with someone with depression or chronic illness.  If you have children at home, hold a family meeting and explain what is going on with the family member that is suffering.  Explain what that person can and cannot do and how they feel about it.  Let each member of the family express how they feel about the situation. As a family, come up with a plan to get done what needs done each day.  Plan weekly family activities that the ill person can realistically participate in. It is common for family members to experience depression if issues are not resolved.  If there are things that come up that you don't know how to handle, seek help from a professional Christian counselor as a family.

For the person suffering from depression or chronic illness, make it a priority to discover your spouse's and each child's love language (The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman) and express love to them daily.  Explain your love language to your family and give them practical ways they can express it to you.  With your spouse, set an example and create an atmosphere of love, acceptance and forgiveness in your home.  Be nice to each other!

Come up with a daily plan for communicating limitations and abilities for the suffering family member.  Make refrigerator magnets or use sticky notes.  I've seen small labeled peg boards with a small heart that can be moved from peg to peg.  Be very matter of fact as you communicate and avoid temptation to come across as, "Poor little me, I'm sick again..."  If you have a stuffed Eyore and find that you commonly communicate with the attitude of a victim, find a box or a drawer that you can put Eyore in as you remind yourself that you are going to have a positive attitude regardless how you feel.  The visual reminder and action can help you break the habit. A sense of humor is a great help as is voicing your blessings each day.  Family members can pray for each other and share meaningful Scripture or quotations with each other.

You can have a wonderful family experience that will teach your children how to handle the trials that life will bring their way - even in the midst of depression or chronic illness.


Housekeeping

I have two area rugs that have fringe on the ends.  They have been vacuumed and run over enough that some of the fringe has broken off and sheds on other parts of the floor.  They just always look messy. So, I decided I could see if I could remove the fringe.  It took four hours to take the fringe off the ends of one rug, but is worth the effort.  It looks so much neater and no longer sheds.  I'm definitely going to de-fringe the other rug, as well.
Before: (sorry this picture is sideways - it won't turn...)

      After:

                                                  
 Much better!

Today's Recipe - Cream of Broccoli Soup
The American Cancer Society Cookbook

1 large onion, coarsely chopped
1 medium carrot, sliced
1 small stalk celery (with leaves), sliced
1 clove garlic, finely chopped
3 cups chicken stock
1/4 cup uncooked rice
3 cups broccoli, coarsely chopped
2 cups low-fat milk
1 tsp salt
pinch cayenne pepper

In a large saucepan, combine onion, carrot, celery, garlic and chicken stock;  bring to a boil.  Add rice; cover and simmer for 15 to 20 minutes or until rice is tender.  Add broccoli; cover and simmer until broccoli is tender, about five minutes.  Transfer to blender or food processor and puree (may be done in batches).  Return to saucepan; add milk, salt and cayenne.  Serve hot.  Or let cook, cover and refrigerate until serving time.  8 - 3/4 cup servings  70 calories per serving