Today, I am sharing my story in hopes that others will be comforted and encouraged. The rest of this week I will write about chronic illness and next week will deal with depression. I am not a professional counselor or doctor. I will be writing from my own study and experiences.
My onset of depression was a result of a stressful teaching job where my character was constantly attacked by gossip, our girls growing up and unexplained illnesses caused by an undiagnosed disease. In 2000, I experienced what I call The Summer From Hell when I had mysterious traveling pains, severe digestive discomfort, a wacko thyroid (it went back and forth from hypo to hyper - I could tell when I woke up by feeling my eyes if I was going to be anxious and nervous or lethargic all day) and female problems. I couldn't sleep which caused anxiety and panic attacks. I couldn't focus my eyes to read or even watch TV. And forget remembering anything! Doctors put me through all kinds of tests with inconclusive results. I was clinically depressed but thought I was dying. My family didn't know what to do to help me. They avoided me because I had turned into an angry person. One of my doctors put me on an anti-depressant just to cope. I praise God that my girls, my husband and I have been able to honestly talk about that time in our lives and God has healed many of those hurts. Thank you, Beth Moore! (So Long Insecurity...)
As bad as that summer was physically and mentally, the thing I struggled with the most was that I felt like God had abandoned me and was letting me suffer when I had done nothing to deserve it. The book of Job became my sanity that year. I could relate to him and the shared emotions and thoughts brought comfort to me. After a year in Job, I began reading the Psalms with new understanding. David suffered, too, and his words of hope gave me new perspective. God began drawing me to passages in the Bible which confirmed His love and that He was with me through it all.
My female problems became so severe that I opted for a hysterectomy. My doctor did pre-op blood work and discovered that I was anemic. She put me on iron but I remained anemic. Because my mom had been diagnosed with celiac disease, I was tested and it came back positive. After two weeks on a gluten-free diet, the anemia went away. I had the surgery and left my teaching position. I felt better than I had in years and most of my mysterious symptoms and pain, along with the depression, simply disappeared.
Because I also have Epstein-Barr syndrome from severe mono as a young adult, I have a weakened immune system and if I overdo it, I can be down for several weeks with flu symptoms. I have learned that eating the right foods and walking really lessen those symptoms and I have days where I feel like a "normal" person...whatever that means, right?! Ha ha! I have also learned that eating even a small amount of gluten can cause those early mysterious symptoms and depression to come back. I have also discovered coping skills, one being my restored sense of humor, that allow me to find joy while living with chronic illness.
If any of this sounds familiar to you, I want you to know that you are not alone. Tomorrow I will share some statistics which may surprise you.
The journey goes on...
Decorating
The combination of cold weather, eating too many sweets over the holidays, doing too much, saying goodbye to my kids and grandkids and taking down the Christmas decorations usually result in some January days of struggling with depression . I am learning to include some winter decorations among the Christmas decorations so some of the holiday decorations can stay out through the winter. It's a small thing, but it helps! This small wooden snowman was a gift from a student and I really like the pine cone candles I found at World Market. My honey is making some votive candle holders out of some aspen branches that I will use for a tablescape for the dining room along with some wintery things I already have. I will post a picture when it is finished.
Today's Recipe - Cream of Mushroom Soup
Colorado Cache
4 servings
1/4 cup butter
3/4 cup chopped green onions, including tops
2 cups chopped fresh mushrooms
2 Tbsp flour
1 cup half & half
1 cup chicken broth
1/4 tsp salt
1/8 tsp pepper
Saute onions in butter over low heat for 5 minutes or until tender. Add mushrooms and cook, stirring, for 2 minutes. Add flour and cook, stirring, for 3 minutes. Remove the pan from the heat and add chicken stock and half & half in a steady stream, whisking. Bring the soup to a boil over moderate heat. Simmer, stirring, for 5 minutes. Add salt and pepper and serve.
Note: better if made ahead and reheated.
Delicious with french bread slices broiled with baby Swiss cheese on top of a thin slice of tomato.
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